Pushing me away
by JediKnightRika
Summary: One-shot Songfic Agent Smith killed Neo in the battle above all battles. But will he accept it? (A little Alternative from Revolutions) SmithNeo Slashy RR!


Disclaimer- JediKnightRika does not own The Matrix or its characters, they belong to the Wachowsky Bros. P5hng Me A*wy was owned by Linkin' Park in their albmn "Reanimation". (Buy the CD! Sue anyone who stops you!) Lyrics found at Soundlyrics.com.  
  
My first One-shot Song-fic! Enjoy!  
  
----- JediKnightRika ^_  
  
*******P5hng Me A*wy**********  
  
When I look into your eyes  
  
There's nothing there to see  
  
Nothing but my own mistakes  
  
Staring back at me  
  
*****************************************  
  
The pain. It'll never go away. My fight with Mr. Anderson has got to be the worst mistake of my entire existence. The rain falls above, the dark sky roared with its thunder. I didn't know, how to react, how to speak, how to move... but he is just laying there, in the big puddle of mud, looking back at me. Mr. Anderson did not speak nor move, its like he was just a lifeless shell. Then it hit me.  
  
"You're dead."  
  
********************************  
  
[Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down]  
  
[Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it all unwind]  
  
[Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down]  
  
[Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it all unwind]  
  
********************************************  
  
No. No! I could never accept the fact that he's dead! Is he? I stared at Mr. Anderson. His eyes gazed at me, never blinking, never flinching. I only punched him once when he got back up before. Why isn't he fighting back again? He can't be dead! He can't be! Killing him is an impossible purpose!  
  
"Mr...Anderson?"  
  
At first, I wanted to cry. I know I'd never admit my emotions when I know that I wasn't supposed to have them. I just didn't feel comfortable seeing him in the ground like that. Must be an emotion, a feeling. But what is it?  
  
"Get up Mr. Anderson!"  
  
Get up Mr. Anderson! Get up! Get up! Get up! You can't die yet! You just can't!  
  
*****************************  
  
I've lied...To you...  
  
This is...the last smile....  
  
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you....  
  
***********************************  
  
I bent down and tapped Mr. Anderson on his shoulder few times. It annoyed me. Is he faking? Why is he not getting up?!  
  
"Mr. Anderson! Wake up! You're not dead! You're not dead!"  
  
I kept repeating the same words, shoving him during the process. It can't be. I just can't accept the fact...  
  
"Mr. Anderson! Get up!"  
  
Tears threatened to spill. I don't know why I'm acting this way. He is my one true enemy, but he cannot die! He is the one! Neo! He cannot die! Neo. Neo...  
  
"Neo! Please I beg of you! Don't die... on me..."  
  
******************************  
  
[Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down]  
  
******************************  
  
I looked around me. I may not feel temperature, but I do know that the wind must feel cold. Everything was dark, some light remains on nearby buildings. My copies were lined up alongside the buildings, looking at me with a confused but with no emotion face. But I noticed something. My copies..they are disappearing one by one.  
  
*******************************  
  
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie....  
  
[Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it all unwind]  
  
The sacrifice is never knowing...  
  
********************************  
  
Not thinking, not reacting, I jumped up and ran. And ran. And ran. I ran as fast as I could, emotions taking a hold of me. Fear. Guilt. Sadness. Anger. I'm expressing them. When I saw Neo in that puddle, I didn't know what to do. I felt as if a part of me was destroyed, terminated. Why? Why did you die, Mr. Anderson? Why? I killed you once, but you came back. Did you fail to come back this time? As I ran, everything I see became a blur.  
  
I stopped. Seems like I ended up in a subway. The same place where Mr. Anderson and I fought for the first time. This place brings back memories...  
  
Speaking of which, there's one thing I have not noticed. I am carrying him. The whole time. I looked at his pale, handsome face. Above everything that happened, he would've been awake by now. I kept walking down the subway until I found a door on my left. I didn't know what's my purpose of entering through the door, my mind was telling me to do it, for Neo. There, I ended up in another subway. I entered in with Neo in my arms, seeing a bench and a blanket in the other side of the train tracks. Behind me, the door shut. Shocked, I turned around to open the door. Locked.  
  
*********************************  
  
...Why I stayed with you  
  
Just push away  
  
No matter what you see  
  
You're still so blind to me  
  
******************************  
  
I quietly placed Neo on the bench and wrapped him with the blanket. His eyes were still open. I closed the eyelids with my two fingers. I haven't a clue why I'm grieved of Mr. Anderson's passing. He seem to be important to me. I decided to take my leave after moments of pure silence and staring. Since the door was locked, I decided to go through the train tracks. Hey, you'll never know, I might see a light at the end of the tunnel.  
  
I kept walking into the darkness until, in a short while, I reached the next station. Wait. I am in the same place where I was! I continued to run, but no matter what I do, I always end up at the same station.  
  
"Damn."  
  
I gave up and decided to stay here. I sat by the door I went through and stared at Neo, whose across me.  
  
********************************************  
  
I've tried.. Like you  
  
To do everything you wanted to  
  
This is.. the last time  
  
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you  
  
*******************************  
  
Looking at Mr. Anderson hurts my eyes. He was important to me in my entire existence and I killed him. I never knew I'd be this way... I never knew that I'd care for his death, something I started in the first place. I never knew that I...loved him..  
  
"Everything that has a beginning has an end."  
  
I cried.  
  
***********************************  
  
[Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down]  
  
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie  
  
[Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it all unwind]  
  
The sacrifice is never knowing...  
  
**************************************  
  
I cried and cried for what seemed like hours. I'm letting my feelings out... something I have never done before. Neo was the one I found, the one I killed, the one that freed me, my one sole enemy. He taught me humanity without knowing it, and I worked it out through my thoughts. All I want was to escape the Matrix... let it end... see the world humans currently lives... I cried for Zion, but now I cry for Neo. I hate myself, I hate work, I hate the Matrix, I hate fighting, I hate Agents, I hate this war, I hate everything!  
  
Everything but Neo...  
  
I looked at him in tearful, red eyes. If I fulfilled my purpose, why aren't I dead? Maybe, perhaps, I have found a new one... To watch and guard the dead corpse of Neo until his fellow Rebels returned.  
  
********************************  
  
..why I stayed with you  
  
Just push away  
  
No matter what you see  
  
You're still so blind to me  
  
*********************************  
  
After hours of crying, I stood up and walked to the wall my back was facing. I was angry with myself when I didn't know its purpose. In rage, I punched the walls continuously, the wall not receiving any damage. Like as if it was the strongest concrete that not even a machine can destroy. I kept punching, my white knuckles turning red, bleeding. Memories of Neo kept coming back to me. I want to stop these memories, but no matter what, they never escape.  
  
Why Neo? Why did you die? Too soon?  
  
I stopped punching the wall and slid down the corner, shedding tears once more.  
  
"What have I done?" I cried so weakly. "What... have...I...done?"  
  
*************************************  
  
Reverse psychology's failing miserably  
  
It's so hard to be, left all alone  
  
*************************************  
  
Thinking about one thing, Neo, I hurdled up in the corner I slid down and placed my arms over my knees, my face in the between my chest and arms. Please, please forgive me Neo.. I'm sorry..  
  
"I'm... sorry..."  
  
I felt a light tap on my right shoulder.  
  
***********************************  
  
Telling you is the only chance for me  
  
There's nothing left but, to turn and face you  
  
When I look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see  
  
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me  
  
******************************  
  
I looked up.  
  
Oh. My. God. Its Neo! The Neo! The one I killed! He touched me! He was standing there, alive, breathing like what a human should do. But why do I feel confuse? So scared?  
  
"S-smith?"  
  
I stared at him in silence. His beautiful brown eyes that made him look alive hit me straight back. I can see. Mr. Anderson was confused also. He looked nervous, frightened to see my state.  
  
"You..."  
  
I didn't know what to say.  
  
****************************************  
  
Asking why...  
  
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (why)  
  
The sacrifice is never knowing  
  
****************************************  
  
Mr. Anderson stepped back. No, you must think that this is a trick. You're confused, seeing the impossible. You don't know that I grieved for you. You're seeing the almighty free Ex-agent Smith looking and feeling weak, crying his head off. And I should be embarrassed and angry, you may think, but I currently feel... happy.  
  
"Smith... you're... crying?"  
  
I became quiet. I shan't express my emotion yet.  
  
***************************************  
  
Why I stayed with you  
  
Just push away  
  
No matter what you see  
  
You're still so blind to me  
  
***********************************  
  
"W-why are you crying... Smith?"  
  
Look at him. Look at me. We're acting childish! Fighting, we did! We must stop this senseless fighting! Neo freed me and I freed Neo!  
  
"N-neo? Y-you're alive...?"  
  
But how is he?  
  
"Yeah. But why... were you crying?"  
  
I thought for the right words to come out of my mouth.  
  
***************************************  
  
Why I stayed with you  
  
Just push away  
  
No matter what you see  
  
You're still so blind to me  
  
*****************************************  
  
I found out now. I'm still alive. And if one dies, so does the other and if one lives so does the other--- we are an equation.  
  
"Because. Because..."  
  
The words couldn't escape my mouth, even though I wanted to. I've been crying too much, which burned my chest. It hurts to speak.  
  
My voice lowered into a whisper.  
  
"Because...I loved you."  
  
-Fin-  
  
Thanx for spending your time reading this! Now tell me how you like it? Just press that little purple button down there and give me your feedback! It ain't hard! Review!  
  
Song-  
  
Linkin Park feat. Mike Shinoda, Stephen Richards 


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